For those of you who’ve already made your New Year’s resolutions here’s my advice — throw them out. Put simply, resolutions don’t work because they’re often an attack on ourselves. Resolutions are made from a state of feeling that we’ve failed in some way, that we are not enough, that if only we could change this or that about ourselves we would be better. Instead, swap out resolutions for goals which are seeded in a much higher vibration.

Goals empower. Resolutions punish. 

Goals focus on what you want to create. Resolutions focus on what you want to destroy.

Goals emanate from joyful heart’s desires. Resolutions reside in shame. 

Here are my three proven tips for creating and manifesting meaningful goals:

#1 Set them in February

While I do a 21-day mind, body, spirit reset in January, I’ll wait until February to develop my goals. An early year mini health reset is achievable because unlike a New Year’s resolution there is no overwhelming obligation to make the practices permanent, therefore the mind has less resistance to them. By February, the rush, pressure, and intensity of the new year has calmed down a bit, you’ll be feeling clearer after the reset, and you’ll be able to really take time to reflect on long-term meaningful goals.

Use January to visualize and daydream. What do you want your life to look like ten years from now? We often have few limitations or restrictions on how we envision our life in a decade so it’s easier to silence the internal naysayer who gets caught up in how is that going to happen?. Tap in to what really resonates with your heart, without regard to external validation or expectations of how you will get there. Use all of your senses — what does it look like, smell, taste, sound like? For example, if you dream of moving to another state do you smell fields, hay on the farm, garden flowers, or the ocean? What do you feel on your body? A silky dress, a ski outfit, a cotton tee, a crisply structured jacket? Use this step to move into a higher, more expansive version of who you are with no limitation.

#2 Write Them Down

After you’ve danced with all the visions in your head for a few weeks, you’ll sit down to write them out in early February. Do so when you are in a joyful mood and not feeling pressure or anxiety around your goals in any way. The ceremony should be sacred and calm but also fun and exciting. Bring in music, flowers, essential oils, candles, photos, or your favorite beverage so the moment is energetically charged. Here are the tried and true tricks I’ve used for nearly two decades:

• Write ten, five, and one year goals grouped into three separate pages and three separate categories — personal, career, health. Personal includes relationships, family, individual interests and desires, travel, and home life. Career includes studies, professional desires, work related achievements, and financial goals. If you are retired or staying home to care for the kids use this section to expand on whatever it is you devote most of your time to. Something that you could potentially turn into a profitable enterprise or that you just love spending your time doing — for example learning about interior design, gardening, cooking, charitable efforts, cars, etc. Health includes fitness, diet, overall mind/body/spirit balance and well-being.
• Use the 50/50 rule – when writing goals you should have 50% that feel almost impossible to accomplish from where you stand now and 50% that feel completely doable from this moment. If you make them all out of reach you will feel defeated but if you make them all completely reachable you run the risk of never really living to your full potential and remaining uninspired about where you are.
• Write all goals in the PRESENT tense. For example: “I eat only organic foods and little to no meat or dairy,” “I vacation for four weeks of the year with my family in beautiful locales,” “I own a gorgeously decorated home by the water,” “I’ve retired at 55.” Leave out phrases like: I want, I wish, I hope, I will. Instead use phrases like: I live in, I am, I have, I enjoy.
• Be specific — use adjectives, and vivid and playful words. For example instead of “I live on the Cape for three months of the year,” write “I live on a quiet, tree-filled street on the Cape down the road from a cranberry bog, ten minutes from my favorite beach, and my days are filled with sunshine, the company of great people, and the celebration of simple pleasures like a bowl of clam chowder and salt water taffy.”
• Write backwards. Start with ten, then do five, then one. When I was single my ten year goal was: “My husband and I have a loving, fun, joyful household filled with light, laughter, and harmony.” So then for the five year goal I had: “I’m married to a smart, handsome, happy, funny, kind man who loves me deeply.” Next, for the corresponding one year I had: “I’ve met an amazing guy with whom every day is a fun adventure.” When the one year goal didn’t come true within the time frame I changed it to “I’m open to meeting an amazing guy . . .” when I sat down to write the next year’s goals. I met my husband six months after writing those words and five years later every word I wrote for my five year goal was beautifully true. Sometimes it just takes tweaking the goal so you never feel pressure or anxiety about it. Writing them backwards elevates and honors your goals rather than cheapening them into something you are checking off a list or a ladder you need to climb.

#3 Release and Receive

As you go about taking actionable, everyday steps toward your goals you should do so with soft eyes, a light heart, and open mind. Allow for your dreams to show up in a way you never expected. For example throughout my thirties I had this romantic dream that I would end up marrying a European citizen. I wrote the following as one of my ten year goals at age 32: “I am married to a man who loves me deeply and is kind, funny, smart, settled in his career, and a European citizen.” I met the Sergeant one week after my 40th birthday, he had all of those qualities but was born in the Bronx and a U.S. citizen. Shortly thereafter I discovered that he was a first generation American and held Irish/EU citizenship as well. My dream came true in a way I could have never predicted.

Writing goals instead of resolutions works because they focus on what you want to receive, unlike resolutions which are all about what you want to reject. The mind adjusts easier to adding things to your life, than it does to taking things away. The irony is that when you add positive, healthy, interesting, and new practices to your life the old, tired, habitual elements seem to fade away on their own. You won’t have to struggle to let things go, you simply won’t have the attention for them anymore because you’ll be so focused on all the beautiful and welcome additions.